Kent Fukuzura, Science
Made Simple
It's flu season again, and that means you and probably everyone you know has
the fever, headache and sore throat associated with these rapidly evolving
forms of influenza. This week, using only a few dishes in mother's kitchen,
we will create an influenza shot custom-tailored to the variety that you are
carrying.
The Science Of Influenza
There are three basic types of influenza, A, B and C. The C-type is so mild
professional scientists don't bother with it, and so neither will we. Flu
shots are created from the current crop of A and B viruses sweeping the
globe. Because the genetic make-up of the viruses can shift quickly the
virus in your neighbourhood may be different than the virus the
pharmaceutical companies used to create their vaccine. Our home-made vaccine
will fight the virus in your neighbourhood attacking you and your friends
and family.
Stuff You'll Need:
You'll need to find someone already suffering from the flu to obtain
samples. You'll also need a few dishes and cups from the kitchen, a
microscope, and syringes.
How It Works:
Get your virus sample to cough up some specimens into a plate or bowl. The
more the better. Stay well out of range or you may end up carrying the virus
yourself! Wear rubber gloves and inject the material into several raw eggs
for the virus to incubate. Keep the eggs warm, but off the stove. If you
have a heat lamp in the bathroom you can put them there.
After 12 or 13 days open the eggs and mix the material together in a glass jar. Use father's lathe as a centifruge to separate the egg material from the virus. Count on about five CCs per person. You'll want to make sure the virus is dead before you inject it in anyone, so de-activate it by removing the neuraminidase or hemagglutinin protein from your sample.
Make a saline solution out of salt and water and mix your virus into it. Label your solution clearly and keep in the fridge so it doesn't go bad.
Next, you'll need to get syringes. Needle exchange programs will often give you a few for free, so take advantage of their largess! Test your vaccine before using it on yourself or someone important to you. Sometimes there can be adverse reactions to the flu vaccine, so if your test subject gets really sick don't despair, do a test on another subject.
Once you're happy with the results you can inject yourself and your friends and family with our own home-made, and custom-tailored vaccine, fighting the version of the flu that's in your neighbourhood. Mother will be so proud!
DISCLAIMER:
Kent's column is intended for amusement purposes only. Never play with used syringes, and always make sure your friends have medical insurance.
