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Mark DePaolis: To follow Flu Experts' advice, just keep changing direction

 

Published Dec 7 2001

Here it is, December already, and I still haven't got my flu shot.

I know what you're thinking -- oh sure, he's just afraid it's going to hurt and he'll go, "Aaoowie," in front of the nurses. And you're right. But that isn't the reason, at least not this year.

It's just that I've been listening to the Flu Experts on TV, and now I don't know what I'm supposed to do. There have been so many experts giving expert advice about the flu that they have gotten me totally confused.

It used to be easy. Every year in October they would announce the official opening of the flu season. ("On your mark ... get set ... Phlegm!") According to the experts, everyone was supposed to get a flu shot so no one would get the flu. How simple can it be?

Well, except for one thing: Other experts say that flu shots are not perfect. There's no guarantee that you won't get the flu afterward, sometimes later that same day. In fact, a lot of people claim they get the flu from the flu shot. Medical textbooks say this is impossible, and it's true -- no textbook has ever gotten the flu.

However, to get a shot you normally have to go to a medical facility, where you will be exposed to -- there's no getting around it -- sick people. That's why some people choose to get flu shots at their local supermarket. This means trusting them to administer the appropriate medical treatment even though they can't get the right stickers on the Bartlett pears.

"OK, then," you may be saying, "I'll skip the flu shot this year." Which would be fine, except that influenza, the real flu, can be pretty bad. According to the experts, this is especially true for elderly or sick people. For them, the flu can be deadly. So if you are an older person, or spend any time with older people, or are even planning to get old someday, you should get the shot.

Except that, according to the experts, supplies of the vaccine are running low. For some reason, manufacturers have not produced enough vaccine this year. This is shocking news, just like it was last year and the year before that. Apparently, these vaccine companies have no idea that November will ever come around again. They have the memory spans of tadpoles, so flu season always catches them totally by surprise. Now, with some clinics and hospitals running short, some experts are telling healthy people to hold off and save the shots for people who really need them.

Only now there's the anthrax scare. Experts at the Health Department have been telling everyone to get flu shots so their doctors will be able to tell if they catch anthrax later. It's hard to tell the two apart, they say, so getting the shot can help distinguish whether someone is the victim of a sneeze or a bunch of spores.

But, as the experts have said, flu shots aren't perfect, and they do nothing to prevent anthrax. Even if you do get a shot, there are a hundred other viruses that start with a fever and cough just like anthrax, so there's still no way to be sure.

Confused? Don't feel bad. I went to medical school, and I still don't know what to do. I guess we're going to have to hear from some more experts. I would gather up a big bunch of them (a gaggle of experts, or maybe even a pod) and put them on TV, where they could give each other flu shots.

The rest of us could listen in, and try to figure out what exactly they mean when they go, "Aaoowie."

-- Mark DePaolis is a writer and physician who practices in Brooklyn Center.

ALL INFORMATION, DATA, AND MATERIAL CONTAINED, PRESENTED, OR PROVIDED HERE IS FOR GENERAL INFORMATION PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE CONSTRUED AS REFLECTING THE KNOWLEDGE OR OPINIONS OF THE PUBLISHER, AND IS NOT TO BE CONSTRUED OR INTENDED AS PROVIDING MEDICAL OR LEGAL ADVICE.  THE DECISION WHETHER OR NOT TO VACCINATE IS AN IMPORTANT AND COMPLEX ISSUE AND SHOULD BE MADE BY YOU, AND YOU ALONE, IN CONSULTATION WITH YOUR HEALTH CARE PROVIDER.