How raising a child with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) has changed my Life

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How raising a child with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) has changed my Life

By Michelle Evans

Brian has completely changed my life. He has taught me so much -- I owe so much to Brian for who I have become as a person.

When Brian was little -- I was such a basket case. He was so difficult and I had an older son and a newborn. My mom passed away and DH had just started graduate school and I was so lost and alone. I never thought I was going to get through an hour with Brian -- 5 minutes seemed like years dealing with him.

It was a rough adjustment for all of us -- but being the MOM - I was the one who took the brunt of his temper and frustration because he wasn't speaking. The biting was the worst -- I had bite marks all over my hands and arms and going anywhere with him and the kids was a nightmare. I was constantly in tears. Somehow I got through those young years. Somebody was holding my hand and leading me to my future. HE still is.

As he got older, and I got some help in the house -- things got a bit easier. Still, explaining to everyone why he acted the way he did was hard -- the stares, the comments and even the family telling me it was a result of bad parenting made me so depressed -- partially because I believed them. Now I know better.

I started surrounding myself with only families that had children with autism. They understood and had similar issues. Going to the BBB Message Board helped me tremendously with my shyness -- I found out that I could write all my feelings down and people responded (who I now consider my family).

I was always shy -- Painfully shy and unsure of myself. As Brian started to improve, I also started to improve my personality.

I developed a wicked sense of humor, which also helped and started meeting more and more people with children in similar situations. I also realized that it is ok to need a break and to ask for help.

Since we started SPARC I have continued the learning experience -- once again if Brian hadn't been who he is -- I probably would never be who I am today.

3 months ago I took another challenge and spoke to my first audience. This was a big moment for me -- I stood up in front of 17 people and talked about Brian at our first SPARC meeting. (I was the one who never could talk to a group of people - " I would get frozen and all stiff and clam up. I was that shy) the second meeting I spoke at was easier. Still nerve wracking, but easier then the first time.

Now I am talking to groups of people and I am still nervous but I am doing it. And I am using the advice I give to Brian -- its ok to be scared and its ok to make mistakes, that's how you learn -- but if you don't try - you will never know if you will succeed in something. It is easier to give the advice then use it on myself but I am trying.

I am Co-chairing the Breast Wellness Tea for R's (DH) Hospital in front of 400 women. That has me a bit nervous -- but I am doing it. Six months ago I would never have done anything like that.

I just keep it in the back of my head that Brian keeps surprising us -- improving every day and that I need to keep trying to improve every day as a person too. He is my driving Force.

I believe that life is a road that has been pre-planned for me and that I am going down this road -- not knowing what is next -- but knowing that it is full of twists and turns.

Today, Brian is a different person then he was 7 years ago. So am I. He has taught me so much. And together we are still learning.

He has taught me to be more patient, to look and observe situations before I react and he has conquered so many of his fears so I take my cues from him now. He has shown me that he can overcome his fears -- so I should try to conquer mine.

Taking this job with United Cerebral Palsy was the next turn in the road in my life. I never would have done it if it weren't for him. I told him that too. I told him that I am so proud of all he has accomplished and all his fears that he has overcome. He smiled his impish smile at me when I told him I was so proud of him and that I was taking this job because if he could over come all his fears -- then I should take a chance and overcome my own fears. He liked that.

I have learned and continue to learn that I need to think outside the box. Brian has helped me realize that all people have issues. The person who never smiles and seems to be always in a bad mood or with an attitude has a reason -- whatever the reason -- I have learned to try not to judge others because who knows what their life is like and who knows what is really going on in their heads? Everyone has issues -- and that's OK and it's my job is to get behind the issues and get to know the real person.

I have learned that over the years, but last night after the party it became crystal clear for me. We had a party with all children with disabilities and I had the chance to meet people that I had never met before. It was unbelievable -- 70 people in my house and every one of them were so wonderful -- even though it rained and we were all stuck inside the house -- we had a GREAT time.

What if one day Brian or any of my other children become the person that is sad or grumpy or is in a black mood??? How would I want others to treat him???

That's what I tell myself with everyone I meet. And that's how I am trying to treat all people. Show respect (especially to the ones who don't necessarily look like they deserve it) and you will be surprised that what you see on the outside isn't necessarily what is on the inside. You just need to get past the outside -- to see in.

And once again -- it all goes back to Brian.

Yes, we have struggled, and yes I have been driven to tears countless times but he has turned out to be my hero and my guiding light.

Who knows where the next part of my road will lead -- but with every day that passes by I have become a stronger, more compassionate, patient person and wherever the road leads, I will follow -- taking my cues from him.

More articles!

Denial - And Coming To Terms With My ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) Child

Caring For The Caregiver

My Mother's Day Present

Welcome To The Zoo! How Raising A Child With ASD Has Changed My Life

A Father's Perspective by Robert Evans

To contact SPARC: Email Michelle Evans and Debbie Brown at: sparcofbc@yahoo.com

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