Cindy Margolis realizes that not many people fully understand the intricacies of raising a child with autism. “The kids look normal – there’s nothing distinguishing them from any other. The thing that is different is behavior.”

Because children with autism look like any other, she said, other parents that observe the children may believe there is something amiss with the parenting, not the children. “Because they look normal, people’s expectations are going to be higher,” said Margolis. “People who don’t understand don’t get it. They think, ‘What’s wrong with your child? Can’t you control your child?’”

Autism, according to the Autism Society of America, “is a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life … Autism is four times more prevalent in boys than girls and knows no racial, ethnic or social boundaries.”

Margolis is familiar with this problem as she has a 5-year-old son with autism. She has resolved to help all similar parents by forming a support group. “We as parents all have our war stories,” she said. “We’re all in it together. It’s comforting to see other people who have gone through it.”

Margolis’ new group, Families with Autistic Children Together (FACT), is designed as a support group for parents and other family members of children with autism. The group had its first two meetings Jan. 28 and Feb. 3, where members planned how the group will function in the future.

About eight came to the Tuesday meeting and more than 20 attended the Feb. 3 meeting. People who attended, mostly parents, listed a variety of reasons for coming to the support group, including the support, to learn more about autism and its alternative therapies and to find more families raising children with autism.

Several members were just looking for any support group. According to Margolis, the Hopkins School District used to sponsor such a support group, but due to financial constraints, the group disbanded.

Most people who attended the Feb. 4 meeting had children ages 8 or younger, most of which were boys. Two couples each had a child that was diagnosed with autism within the past month. Two different members were parents of teenagers.

One member said her child has been “diagnosed with everything under the sun.” She said she was looking for the camaraderie of other parents. “People were looking at me like my son was a freak and I was thinking, ‘But he’s my son,’” she said.

Margolis said that more people in society are becoming aware of autism, since more children are being integrated into classrooms. However, she said, most people don’t know that much about autism. “Most people, unless they know someone with it, are most familiar with the character ‘Rain Man.’ They’re not all like that.”

While coming up with ground rules for the group, one person suggested “one joke every 10 minutes.” “Keeps the tears away,” agreed another. When deciding what people should bring to the next meeting, one person quipped, “Kleenex.”

Both groups decided to bring resources to share with others to the next meetings. Resources can be anything from a recommended dentist to a book that has helped someone. Margolis said these referrals would be a great resource to use, even though each case of autism is different. “Every child on the autism spectrum is different. What works for one family may not work for another,” she said. She called cases of autism “similar but different.”

Mary Powell from the Autism Society of Minnesota (AuSM) spoke to those in attendance at the Feb. 4 meeting. Powell, a mother of a man with autism, said that “nothing is hopeless.” “You never really know what will help your child,” she said, but added that punishment never does.

Powell offered the AuSM as another resource for parents. The AuSM offers hundreds of resources recommended by other parents, books, videos and newsletters, and sponsors various events for families with autistic children.

Margolis’ group FACT is also planning on family events, including a family swim event set for March 8. Margolis said that in addition to the group offering support, “I want the families to get to know each other.”

Members of FACT decided to have a “check in” at every meeting, a time for members to speak what’s on their minds – triumphs, woes and anything else. They also decided to ask speakers to come throughout the year.

Margolis warns that the Monday group and the Tuesday group may decide to go different directions, but said for now they are planning the same activities.

“We’re all on this journey and we don’t know where it’s going to lead, we just keep going. You just take what you can along the way and learn and go on,” she said.

FACT meets one Monday and one Tuesday each month. Upcoming Monday meetings are scheduled for March 3, April 7 and May 5. Meetings are from 7 to 8 p.m. in room 215 in the Eisenhower Community Center, 1001 Highway 7 in Hopkins. Upcoming Tuesday meetings will be from 1:30 to 3 p.m. in room 215D in the Eisenhower Community Center on Feb. 25, March 25, April 29 and May 27.

Child care will be available for the Monday meetings. Call Hopkins Community Education at 952-988-4073 with the child’s name and age for a reservation. The child-care fee is $5 per family per meeting.

Residents and non-residents of the Hopkins School District are welcome. Current members live within the Hopkins, Eden Prairie and Minnetonka school districts. The group is sponsored by Hopkins School District Community Education. There is no fee to attend either meeting, though registration is encouraged. Call 952-988-4073 with the selected meeting date.

For more information on autism, visit www.ausm.org, www.canfoundation.org or asa.convio.net/site/PageServer.